Monday, February 16, 2015

and we remember.

I keep a copy of Clarissa Pinkola Estes' "Women Who Run With the Wolves" by my bed, and tend to read and ponder short passages before drifting off to sleep. I feel that keeping the Wild Woman in my mind as I fall into slumber allows a certain focus to my dreams, and clarity. On the back cover of my tattered paperback copy (obtained at a yard sale), an anonymous, previous reader has inscribed an untitled, presumably original, poem. I've dubbed it "and we remember", since remembering is such an important part of the re-wilding process. Here it is:

canyon wall & shielded caves,
dripping with shadows from
a silver moon

and we remember

peaks penetrating
mist-filled clouds,
the alpine fields
speckled red &
jewelled green
in cradles of mountain
mystery peaks.

knowing well.

our journey flows
through caps of white
immersed in our own
blue highway,
our path so held
and our moments so kept
and together we create
a reality from
our building blocks of beauty.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Mid-Life Crisis.

Is the mid-life crisis still a thing? For some reason, it seems rather outdated to me. It also seems like something that happens to folks who have their shit way more together than myself. When I think of someone having a mid-life crisis, I picture a suit, some children, a rather large but lifeless house with the television on constantly, and a well-paying job in a windowless office.
It is strange to find myself in the midst of this crisis. And not so strange, really. I have lived some interesting tales in my life, that is true. And I have carved out the time to focus on things that I find important; things other people seem not to value highly. And still, there are entire categories of life, relationships and things that I have neglected. Callings I have left unanswered. Stories which remain unwritten. And each day, these things grow within me with the insistence of a migraine headache.
February 15th 2015 is a date I have marked for myself. It is the last day of a job I hate, and the day I close my online shop. It's also the beginning of my move to the west coast from the south eastern united states.
I'd be lying if I said I was not anxious or nervous about this move and my life changes. At 36, I feel a bit old to be starting over, and not very well prepared financially to do so. But. I've been thinking (over and over again) that we are rarely ever fully prepared for change. Right? And, as much as I would like it to be true, my life just is not going to be led in a single steady line. Perhaps someday I will be able to look back upon my life and see the patterns and sense of the paths I have traveled. But until then.......